Television Reimagined, 2020
Today’s blog post takes a turn from anything resembling the usual format to look at what five TV shows might look like if they’d had a 2020 episode embedded in one of their seasons. The focus is largely on coronavirus, but protests, fires, and more find their way in, too. Note: this is an exercise in fan fiction and fun, not intended to minimize the hardships others have faced, but rather to provide some levity and thought experiment amidst a largely awful overarching situation.
One more clarifier: the setup is not so much imagining that a new episode were filmed under the current constraints around social distancing, etc., but rather what the world within the show might look like if the characters were experiencing 2020 circumstances.
If you’d like to skip directly to shows you’re familiar with, the ones covered in this post are:
Friends
The Office
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Friday Night Lights
How I Met Your Mother
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Series: Friends
Title: The One with the Last Mask
Series Placement: Season 6
Synopsis:
Open on Monica cleaning with an especially high level of neurosis and vigor to protect against coronavirus as Chandler sits at the kitchen table and cracks wise. Joey has an important audition to make but can’t find a mask, and laments that the last time he went outside without one, he got a slushie thrown at him. Ross misplaced his mask, and feels trapped, too, as he was only stopping over on his way to pick up his son Ben from his ex-wife Carol.
Rachel has a mask but is saving it because she’s supposed to go on a date with a guy who keeps backing out because he’s concerned about the pandemic and ramifications of dating during it. Phoebe has a mask, too, but is on her way out to a Black Lives Matter protest. Ross chastises her about the mass gathering being irresponsible from a public health perspective, only for him to silence him with a pithy, superficial rejoinder about social justice before she leaves.
Ross, coopting something Phoebe says about standing up for others and feeling inspired takes Rachel’s mask—the last mask—to venture out to his son. Rachel stops him and they grapple over the mask until they wind up kissing as Chandler and Monica look on, touched.
Joey shows up with a turkey on his head—the best makeshift mask he could think of. He declares, “I’m going to my audition!” as the studio audience 100% loses it.
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Series: The Office
Title: The Bulletin
Series Placement: Season 6
Synopsis:
The City of Scranton has announced that it will publish a detailed bulletin about best practices relevant to COVID-19. David Wallace informs Michael that it is imperative Dunder Mifflin be the paper supplier to print the bulletin to save the larger struggling company.
Michael announces in one of his virtual conference room meetings (which Jim lays out happen an average of six times a day, which ironically makes him more productive because it actually forces him to be at his desk six times a day—“Maybe Michael actually knows what he’s doing?” Stubble-faced Jim rubs his beginnings of a beard. “I’ve been stuck inside too long.”) He tells Pam to meet him at City Hall where he’ll make his pitch on behalf of Dunder Mifflin. Pam asks why me, while Dwight intercedes that he’s coming, too. Michael tells him not to and explains he may need Pam’s womanly wiles to help woo the local political leaders.
Against the odds, the odd trio of Michael, Dwight, and Pam stumble their way to success as Michael and Dwight tag team the sale, and the bureaucrat appointed to see them is charmed by a doodle Pam’s drawing of Michael and Dwight pitching—he offers her a commission to do some illustrations for the new City Hall website, and takes on Dunder Mifflin as the paper supplier for the bulletin. Michael gloats, in a cutaway to the camera, about knowing Pam has wiles.
Bonus—cold open: Erin observes Stanley so focused he hardly moves during online conference room meetings. Oscar suggests Stanley has actually used an “away” image of himself working at his desk to create the illusion he’s listening when he’s off doing other things. Stanley reveals without shame that he actually fell asleep at his computer.
Double-bonus throwaway joke: In a cutaway about why Dwight wants in on the sales pitch at City Hall so badly, he says, “You know who likes Slack? Slackers.”
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Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Title: Sick Day
Series Placement: Season 3
Synopsis:
The virus is keeping people inside, which has prompted a band of vampires led by Mr. Trick to start a scheme of ingratiating individual vamps to strategically chosen individual members of large families to get invited inside to feast on everyone who lives in the house.
Meanwhile, it turns out Angel’s soul has made him susceptible to COVID-19. He’s got it, he’s sickly, and bed-ridden while Buffy cares for him.
While Buffy is distracted, the Scoobies hatch a scheme to use Cordelia as bait to lure in the vampires by going around talking loudly in public about how huge her family is with six siblings and a crew of cousins coming to visit for the weekend. It’s spy versus spy, though, as the vampires are on to the scheme and that Cordelia’s in league with the Slayer. The vamps split crews—one to attack the sick Angel and keep Buffy occupied while the other crew goes after the Scoobies at Cordelia’s house.
The vampires’ scheme seems to work, except they didn’t know about Faith, who was noncommittal to the Scoobies about helping, but comes through in the clutch, saving them from long odds and dusting most of the undead gang. Angel gets well enough via his vampire recuperative powers to help Buffy fight off Trick and his crew, only for Trick to play the race card and suggest they’re fighting him with a particular vigor because he’s a black vampire. The tactic distracts Buffy and Angel long enough for him to make a getaway; Buffy and Giles have a poignant discussion about both race and responsibility (i.e., don’t leave us hanging to protect Angel) to close the episode.
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Series: Friday Night Lights
Title: Take a Knee
Series Placement: Early season two (before things can go off the rails with the murder sub-plot)
Synopsis:
Coach Taylor is deep in game prep when Matt Saracen struggles to get a word in with him. When the QB finally can say his peace, it’s that he won’t be playing Friday. He can’t engage with the kind of contact football demands and risk bringing coronavirus into his home where Grandma Saracen is vulnerable.
Meanwhile, Smash gets into it publicly with guys on the team about the take a knee movement and what black players have to complain about. Tensions rise, and Smash proclaims he’ll be taking a knee during the anthem Friday night. The issue gets media attention.
Coach Taylor discusses the quarterback situation with Tammy at home, and it’s clear they’ve had extended discussions about whether it’s right to have a football season at all, or for school to even be in session live during the pandemic. Buddy Garrity stops by and asks to speak with Coach outside. The dynamics are clear that Buddy—unmasked, because he doesn’t believe in masks—banged the drum for football to go on as normal this fall, and he’s here to say Coach has to convince Saracen to play. At the same time Jason Street (with Tim Riggins for moral support) goes to Matt to convince him he’s got to play because the team needs him and they’re family, too. It’s Grandma Saracen herself who gets the last word, telling him to play.
Landry is running a side business selling hand-sewn masks. Though he can’t get anyone to buy the ones with Crucifictorious logos printed on them, the endeavor overall is successful enough to attract Tyra to want to go into business with him. She provides the obvious idea of making Panthers-themed masks to sell outside Friday’s game.
Coach gives an inspirational speech to the players, including Matt, who is suited up to play, that they all have hardship during these trying times, and they’re all going to lay it down on the field before the game. Everyone is going to take a knee, and that’s out of solidarity with Smash, but also out of solidarity with Matt who is making a sacrifice to play, and out of solidarity with Street who can’t stand on his own, because when your teammate can’t stand you don’t just stand for him, you get down on the ground with him to know his struggle and come out with the both of you stronger for it.
The team takes the field with clear eyes and full hearts, and they do all take a knee together.
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Series: How I Met Your Mother
Title: The Bearded Lady
Series Placement: Season 4
Synopsis:
Ted falls for a woman after repeatedly running into her at a newsstand, both wearing masks. They go on a socially distanced date walking around the neighborhood and have great chemistry, but don’t engage physically or take off their masks for COVID concerns. Barney plants the seed that she’s actually a bearded lady he saw at a circus once, and that’s why she won’t let Ted see her without a mask. Ted is skeptical, but the idea takes hold in his brain, leading him to fumble the relationship just before they’re going to take off the masks because he can’t bear to see if it’s true. (Barney later reveals he made up the whole bearded lady thing.)
Meanwhile, Barney himself has a plot line of hooking up via a glory hole in McLaren’s bathroom—safe, he suggests, because there’s wall between any face to face contact with his hookups. Robin, who has been largely AWOL covering protests for the news, reveals to the gang she did make it to McLaren’s once, a couple nights earlier, but none of the gang was there. She wound up having a good time, though—it becomes clear she and Barney anonymously did it in the bathroom.
After initially struggling to teach kindergarten online, Lily seems to hit her stride with the kids laughing and wildly entertained. It turns out Marshall is actually the one entertaining them, standing behind Lily to put on increasingly elaborate comedic shows that eventually incorporate Muppet-like puppets.
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